I spoke once before about losing it. That was child's play.
Last Monday I left work. I walked out, as much as anyone remote can do. I closed up my chat application and logged out of the phone application. I was gone and wouldn't be coming back.
What had sent me over and out was a series of communications from a customer, one who had verbally assaulted me in the past. The last time I spoke to him, I attempted to speak with him about a technical concern. He spoke over me, interrupted me. In short, he yelled -- and it wasn't the first time. That time, I yelled back at him, telling him that I simply wouldn't speak to him any longer. I hung up and haven't spoken to him since.
On Friday last week, I worked on a ticket from his firm. The ticket called for work that we had all discussed back in December. The work would be divided among our staff and his. I performed our part of the ticket and sent the rest to his team. Somehow, he missed it and subject of this ticket called to complain that the work wasn't completed.
I received a series of emails and voice mails from him expressing his displeasure that I would not do the work for him. He denied that we had discussed this arrangement and threatened to fire us.
I have spent a lot of words on this story, but it is really a symptom of my troubles, not a cause. The stress that I felt at this moment had been building for a long time and my patience for it grows thinner every time it happens.
So, I left. And I stayed away from work for three days. My immediate boss and one co-worker knew what had really happened, but everyone else believed I was "sick." (I suppose I was, from a certain point of view.) I've thought a heck of a lot about my situation and have come to a number of conclusions.
1. I need to understand how to handle conflict. My reactions to it and my inability to detach from it are simply harming my professional and personal growth.
2. I need to develop better self-esteem. I have lagged at this for a long time. I beat myself up and don't ask for what I deserve. It's partly why I stay where I stay for so long.
I am in Boston this week, visiting with the company. Our annual mid-year meeting is tomorrow. I'll be flying back home on Wednesday.
In better news, my flight from Houston (IAH) to Boston (BOS) was quite enjoyable. For the first time, I was able to watch the entire take off and landing without getting sick. Yay!
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